crying

i cried for the first time about leaving on sunday.
actually it wasn't the first time. that was last october when i found out i'd been invited to interview in tucsan, US. i'd had probably my first good lesson with my exam class (i'd been teaching them over a year) and was distraught about leaving them - as we were now finally 'building a relationship'. needless to say that feeling didn't last long and now i feel stupid about ever thinking of staying another year to take them to AS exams!!
so sunday. donato and i were at my auntie's for a bbq. i wasn't even sad, didn't even feel like i was going anywhere. and then i said goodbye to bethany (my cousin's daughter) and the tears flooded. i cried for the rest of the evening, thinking it might be a very long time till i see her and the rest of my family again.
i must not cry at school. that would be sooo embarrassing. especially as everyone knows i can't wait to leave behind the hell that is l****wood. but how can i ensure this when the tears came so easily and without warning last sunday??